My story through Saturn returns and my awakening.
Saturn returns in a nutshell is basically a big fuck off life crisis.
Why is the Saturn Return important?
Saturn is the furthest planet of the solar system that is visible to the naked eye. It takes approximately 28 years to orbit the Sun and our individual horoscope. Since ancient times it has been known as the Grim Reaper, the Lord of Time and of Karma (Doesn't that give you the warm and fuzzies 😳). It influences our spiritual gifts and lessons within the boundaries of the space and time of our earthly life. Every 7 years, it forms a square (90 degrees) or opposition (180 degrees) to its natal (birth) position in the horoscope. It divides your life into seven-year chapters within its overall story. All are critical life defining periods but each chapter has its own meaning and purpose within the full 28-year cycle of Saturn.
My Saturn return was how does one say it... HORRIFIC. I was so very out of flow with my purpose and calling. I had no idea what it was and ignored any inner guidance I received. Cause ya know I knew better. I have since learned that if you don't take sutble hints the universe gets a megaphone and puts you on your ass, in the gutter till you have no other option but to listen, as your spirit guides roll their eyes because they have been trying to get your attention for yearssss. #learnshitthehardway
But to explain how epic the transformation was I have to explain the journey from the beginning so get comfy and get a big bowl of popcorn.
I was working full time as a business development manager and had been for 7 years (cycle) in the consumer electronics/telco sector for a amazing company. My job wasn't challenging, it was easy. I'd worked there long enough I had it running like clockwork. The company was amazing, the people I worked with were awesome and the people who owned it are great people. We were a family. Then without warning, the telco supplier pulled the contract they had with us through no fault if ours. It was just big business wanting to make more money and we were an easy target. I spoke to my boss and asked how bad, he told me it wasn't something we could recover from. I resigned on the spot to help him out. I lived with my family and I was a photographer on weekends. My job prospects were better than some of the others, think 65 and worked for them for 14 years, so I bowed out. I was the only one who got a redundancy package paid because I left early. The rest were looked after by government 7-8 months after the closure. At this stage too I had no concept I was psychic so call it a "gut instinct" I knew I just had to go. So I'm officially unemployed for the first time 14 years....
It all kinda worked out well I was heading to America in 6 weeks to meet Jimmy and spectate the crossfit games 2014. I had fallen in love with crossfit and had a weight loss blog which documented me loosing 40kg and he was a power lifter and bonded over lifting heavy shit. For the first few months of us talking it was purely talking about lifts and working out etc cause jimmy was married. I was respectful of that, then one day the energy between us changed. It became more personal and he expressed his unhappiness and decided to leave his wife for me, the girl on the other side of the planet on FaceTime. It was intense and full on and everything I thought I wanted tall, beard, love of strength training we had so much in common I was happy cause I had finally found "the one". The 3 months leading up to us meeting was hard. I was trying to be a support person to someone who's marriage was disintegrating and it was my fault AND I was kept a secret. So nothing was on social media. No one knew about us on his end anyway.
Money was getting pretty tight but my tax return came in just in time for me to head to America. Encouraged by my mum, she's a sucker for a love story, I packed my bags and went. Cause' I was going to marry this man, he was it. The crossfit games were fantastic and I enjoyed the 2 weeks in Cali then I flew to meet jimmy in Memphis. My flight got in at 8am and I took a sleeping tablet. So just imagine how sexy I looked to meet him. #notsexy His car pulled up at the airport, I saw him for the first time in real life we hugged and I felt NOTHING!.... Not.a.fucking.thing. There was no energy exchange between us. No I want to slam you into a wall and have my way with you.... nothing! Instead of trusting my intuition, I flat out ignored it and pretended it was the sleeping tablets making me a space cadet. That's why I was off, cause I was tired. Lol denial much?
So we make it to the $800 a night room he had planned and proceeded to get intimate and I still felt nothing. It was just motions with no emotions, no connection. There is a funny story of that experience and if you know me personal enough you will know it, #flewtotheothersideoftheplanetforshitroot I slept off the sleeping tablet till about 11am. I woke up to him telling me he couldn't give me what he promised me. I was fucking livid, cause I was grieving the loss of the imaginary future we had. Not him. I've invested my time and energy what am I supposed to tell the people who know I'm coming here. I was embarrassed and felt rejected and blamed my body #exfatkidmentaliy. I knew he felt energeticly what I did too but we both couldn't figure it out to put it into words, or I didn't want to. He never saw me cry. Then I got the joy of spending 8 days with someone who kept me a secret only 3 people knew I was there, I was stuck at his friends house for hours at a time while he went about his life as normal. Then his wife connected her dots with me and knew I was there, she also owns many guns.... Not a comforting feeling when your in gun capital of America and theirs bullets on the kitchen table.
So I arrive home to a empty house, my parents were traveling and my friend Shay came over that night and just held me as I lost it. No job no man no money. The ridiculous dream of having it all by 28 turned to shit and I had to grieve the loss of how I thought my life was supposed to be in my head. To only find out Jimmy deleted me off all social media and 2 days later got back together with his wife.... It was like we didn't even happen. We haven't spoken since he dropped me at the airport almost 4 years ago.
A week after I got home, I got in touch with Kamp Konfidence run by Kortney Olsen (can crush watermelons with her quads) as she was launching and it was something I wanted to get involved with. A self love experience for girls. It aligned with my values and everything I preached in my blog but struggled to live by. While doing it's self love exercises during the first trial run 8 weeks into volunteering for them, it becomes very obvious I had an eating disorder. It hit me like a freight train. That was ugly, messy, think snot crying. I used food to deal with pretty much everything. I had appointments with councillors and a clinical physiologist, all encouraging me to "talk about me feelings" how about fucking nope! Getting someone with an imploded throat chakra. I had tonsillitis 10+ times a year since I was 14 all from swallowing things I wanted to say. Talking about how I feel is a struggle, I have a lot of Scorpio energy and you gotta prove yourself to me before I tell you anything so a complete stranger sitting across a couch from me asking me to talk no.fucking.chance. I even tried over eaters anonymous (yes it's a real thing) and I couldn't get past all the give your grace to god shit to actually take it in. (It's the same teachings they used for AA) I grew up atheists and was taken out of religious studies and having people sit here and keep using the word god, I was like are you guys nuts? God? Really? What the fuck is he gonna do? Slap a donut out of your hand? I never went back and discovered how truly pissed off I was with god. He loves everyone. *rolls eyes* Righto mate, then why the fuck are you doing this to me. Victim mentality much?
By this stage I had burned through any and all savings I had. I was broke. I had applied for 476 jobs and not one of them replied. I have since learned my mac made the file unreadable. I was forced to sit and deal with my shit. I went on the dole/benefits. I was extremely grateful for that $230 a week put food in my mouth and petrol in my car, credit on my phone but came no where near close to paying any of my bills. I was ignoring them, thinking when I get a job I'll fix it. 12 months went by, the damage to my credit rating in that year was horrific. 5 years later, I still can't get a loan, a phone contract and pretty much destroyed any chance in me ever getting a house and 5 years later I'm still in 30k worth of debt because I was in denial of exactly how bad it was. Fuck me sweet Jesus the interest on one of them is 27% over 5 years... yah that hurts. You go from earning great money to nothing, it starts to rack up real quick. I also can't get a loan to pay out any of this as my credit rating is destroyed. I would love to have one easy-to-manage repayment, instead I pay $600 a week. Bankruptcy was a legitimate option I even had the meeting to discuss how to go about it. But everything in me said no it's a easy way out, you did this, get yourself out of it. It would have made life easier that's for dam sure. My karmic debt is around money, the next person to tell me to get a vision board and watch the secret cause that will magically fix it will get stabbed! If it was that easy, I'd be a billionaire by now. It's literally what I have to work through in this lifetime and master. By god, have I been given a great education, the hard way. Money is like learning a Italian to me, watch how your parents speak Italian (they don't to you), studying it for 3 months then going to Italy and everybody expecting you to speak it fluently. You can literally ask for a apple and say please and thank you but your too embarrassed to ask for help or speak the little Italian you do know so you sit in silence and just pray the food you ordered resembles something eatable. The people around you look at you like your a mutant, cause you can't speak the launage at a university level and you're still learning you ABC's. Worst thing about money as a karmic lesson, the lessons are usually really REALLY expensive.
I asked the universe (not god massive issues with god at this stage) for help with my eating disorder and I thought of Jessica who I went to high school with. I know she had a battle with acholeisum and beat it. I needed to know how. Jess was a famous tattoo model so getting her attention on social media wasn't gonna happen. So I sat cross legged in full lotus (no idea why) closed my eyes connected to her energy and ask me to contact me cause I needed her help. She messaged me the next day. I always had a nack for doing that with people. Think of them and they always call. Every time. Jessica and I caught up that week, I looked her dead in the face and asked her how?! How did you do it?! Jessica told me her story of beating an alcoholic addiction, a serious battle with low self-esteem and used tattoos to mask the same self-hate I had with food. I vividly remember her telling me "people who love themselves don't tattoo their face Karla". Me being curious as to how, she told me kundalini yoga and meditation. But I'm like "no really, how did you beat it?" Thinking so mainstream she's got to do a 12-step program for sure. She just laughed and said I'm training to be a kundalini yoga teacher and I want to help you. That moment changed my life.
My first session was the most full on experience of my life. I dead set think child birth will be a walk in the park compared to this. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, just so you understand more about me my belief system, I believed crying was weakness so I have friends that have never seen me cry in 15 years example: my grandmother and father were diagnosed with cancer a week apart from one another. I went to see my mother at work cause I knew she wouldn't be ok. She was balling her eyes out before I could even get my arms around her. At that very moment I took on the role of the strong one trying to reassure her that her husband and her mother were both going to be ok. She stopped eating and I had to force feed her cruskits while she was loosing chunks of hair from stress. I still didn't cry. So understand the amount of blockages and built up crap I had. I had a wall the size of China inside me before this kundalini yoga session. I never truly realized how difficult it was to be my friend or be in a relationship with me because I wouldn't let you in. Karla giant wall Drummond was my name.
So I thought fuck it and we scheduled a session for that Thursday. About 15/20min in, we did this exercise were you sit cross legged, with your left hand facing out giving love to the world and your right hand facing you to give your self love. It was for 8 minutes in my head I'm like bro I do Crossfit I got this its just sitting down with my hands up, no BURPEES this will be a piece of piss right. WRONG, SO VERY VERY WRONG! It was the most full on 8 minutes of my life. I have never been in so much psychical pain from sitting still. The hand facing out was fine, clearly giving love to everybody else wasn't my issue. My right hand, giving love to myself, was shaking and I had beads of sweat dripping down my elbow. I was hysterically crying trying to hide it and hurling so much abuse at Jess. I was so angry at her for making me do this at 6 minutes mark I was going to walk out. It took everything in my will power to hold my hand there. It broke me and when it finally ended I sat there crying 27 years worth of suppressed emotions. It was NOT pretty. To be honest I don't remember the rest of the session like the brain blocks out traumatic experiences lol. This opened the flood gates... Literally. Whilst ugly crying, I see a man standing beside Jess, in the full knight in shining amour get up and I smell roses. He points to the back of her leg which was covered by black tights. I explained what I saw and Jessica being sensitive to energy herself knew someone was there. I just explained what I saw. A friend of hers had passed away and she had a memorial tattoo on he leg with roses. I was like wtf. Boom Karla can talk to dead people.
Dunno how or why but I just started to trust the process then the big kicker was talking to Carl Paoli (with his permission I share this) a friend who lives in San Fransisco who is from Sweden but grew up in Spain over chat on facebook. I said I feel like I have your grandmother with me she keeps telling me there's something going on with mum and she has concerns for her. Little did I know he's a non-believer and was struggling to understand what I was saying. "Carl, focus I talk to dead people run with me here, what's going on with mum she's in bed and she's by her side? just go with it." She was at home in Spain and he had just spoken to her. She was going to take a nap and was very upset because after many years the family dog has just passed away. I'm like, I see nice like the French Rivera, he replies shocked she's leaving to go there tomorrow but was so sad to leave the family home and we got quite a few other connections in the process blowing this non believers mind (boom) he just couldn't understand how I would know. Kept getting a connection to 4 couldn't understand the link and I thought it might be in links to children. Nope or grand children? Nope. 4?! I have no idea what the 4 is, why do I keep seeing 4 Carl? I wouldn't let it go until I got it right and honestly being one of the first full "readings", I wasn't sure of myself. Then he clicks oh I'm writing a book called 4 and no one knew about it at this stage. Light bulb goes off. Ahhhhhh!!!! It all makes sense! I told him she keeps showing me New York Times bestseller and to believe in himself. This book is going to be amazing. Carl knew his book was gonna be good but wasn't sure how it would be embraced. Carl Paoli's book Free+style Maximize Sport and Life Performance with FOUR basic movements went New York Times best seller in July 2014. I was one of the first people to get a copy. Needless to say I am so very proud of Carl, and he is one of my biggest supporters and truly helped me embrace doing this. Carl is leading by example and following his dreams which empowered me to follow mine.
Even after this and telling friends and doing readings it still took a year for me to embrace this. I tried so many other things to avoid being "the crazy lady who talks to dead people" from someone else's fear of being judged but I have also developed a very thick skin when it comes to peoples opinions on this. If you don't believe that's 100% ok, I still expect you to show respect to me, as I do for your views. I tired selling Thermomix and working casually in retail in a baby shop, where I would randomly read people and word was spreading of what I could do. I was barley making ends meet and busting my ass in the process. I felt like this can't be my life? There's got to be more. If you want me to do this, SHOW me.
Then I was forced to read for my beautiful friend Beck, I didn't really have a choice her grandmother wouldn't let me leave without saying something. The healing that happened in that session confirmed to me this is what I am meant to do with my life and at that moment I stoped fighting it. Although I was still in the closet on social media I started doing paid readings as word had spread that I had a talent.
I was still very alone and scared shitless of admitting my ability in public (as I have found out, many past lives of being killed for it). I was desperate for a mentor to help me, I kindly asked the universe for a mentor and that day on facebook popped up Lisa Williams and her advanced mediumship certification. Eight weeks of assignments then a 5-day workshop in Victoria with exam readings. I filled out the detailed application and walked away. To my excitement I got in, at the time I didn't how many people applied and were turned down so I am truly grateful I got in. I loved it, the assignments, they were life changing for me, I made a connection with a strong network of mediums and finally for the first time in my life, felt like I belonged. The amount of healing that happened and uglying crying on my behalf that took place (Maya and Tonya I'm looking at you) was what needed to happen for me to come out of the "facebook closet" and embrace who I was publicly on social media. In the words of Lisa Williams I "owned my shit". In that simple status update of embracing my authentic self, I explained my ability and booked 26 readings in less than 24 hours. Its like the universe waited for me to be myself then rewarded me for doing so.
It's the most liberating experience of my life and I encourage every person to follow their passion with their whole heart, it truly is the only way to be. I, since this time, have busted my ass and built a successful business in just a few years. I have gained so many certifications in healing, reiki, crystals, meditation, advanced mediumship. I love learning about this field and eat spiritual knowledge for breakfast. This is my calling and my purpose and know everything I have been through is to help others in the same position.
I am Karla Drummond Psychic Medium and Healer at your service.